


Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight

by saxophonic



Series: KPOP Christmas Crack [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Burlesque, Christmas, Deliberate Badfic, Humor, M/M, Strip Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:39:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saxophonic/pseuds/saxophonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kris finds a Santa hat in his briefcase, it can only mean one thing: Trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> For my friend, [Hanny](http://plumbaek.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Thank you [Fade](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fade131) for looking over this for me. Any remaining errors are my own.

A red stocking cap somehow made its way into his briefcase for him to find when he opened it at work. Fuzzy and soft, striking against the file folders beneath it. Kris picks it up, inspecting it with narrowed eyes. A square bit of paper falls out, no more than a few inches across.

“XO ♥B”

Kris snorts, folding the paper and slipping it in the breast pocket of his suit jacket. He weighs the hat in his hand before putting it on his head. It’s bit small, but he feels quite jolly. Kris clutches his belly with his extra large man hands and gives an authentic Canadian “Ho, Ho, Ho!” before someone clears their throat from the door.

His boss leans against the frame, one eyebrow cocked and arms crossed. “Sorry,” Kris says, snatching the hat from his head and tossing it back in his briefcase as if it were lingerie. He slams the lid shut, offering a nervous smile that bubbles over into a high-pitched giggle that makes his voice crack. With a tsk-tsk, his boss leaves and Kris sets the hat aside to get to work.

\---

“I’m home.” Kris shuts the door behind him, locking it and setting his briefcase beside him. Baekhyun yelps, and the sound of something heavy dragging across the floor makes Kris stop unwinding his scarf and start investigating. “Bunnie, do you need help?”

“No, wait there!! Don’t come in yet.”

“What?” Kris purses his lips and kicks off his shoes, cringing at the sounds coming from one of the back rooms. Kitchen, maybe, Kris thinks as he hangs his coat in the closet. “Baekhyun, I found something unusual in my briefcase.”

A door -- the refrigerator? -- slams shut. “Good!” Baekhyun’s head appears, peering around the corner from their kitchen. He’s wearing liner tonight, the sight impaling and disemboweling Kris with the sharp spike of arousal. Kris watches his mouth curl up, lips shining with gloss Kris wants to lick off. “Put it on.”

“It’s not my style.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, the stark liner adding melodrama to the scorn. He disappears back into the kitchen muttering, “Not my style, not my style.”

“ _Kkaebsong~_ ,” Kris calls after him as he leafs through his briefcase to find the hat. Baekhyun groans.

“Just wait until I tell you to come back, it’s almost finished!” Silence for a beat, then, “You came home earlier than I thought.”

Kris chuckles. “It’s the only place where I come early.”

“What was that? I heard you say something.”

“Are you done yet?” Kris edges down the hallway, trying to sneak a peek at Baekhyun’s surprise. He waits for Baekhyun to chastise him or shoo him away, but after fifteen seconds, nothing. Kris walks into the kitchen, calling for his lover.

Instead, he finds the room empty and furniture rearranged. Baekhyun pushed the table into the corner, upturning two chairs on top of it. The remaining two chairs sit facing each other, one chair’s back against the wall. The other sits alone, an island in the middle of their now-cleared kitchen. On the counter behind the chair sits their phone docking speakers, Baekhyun’s phone plugged in and poised to play.

“Bunnie?”

“Press play then sit down!” Kris looks for Baekhyun in the doorway from the kitchen to the back room, but Baekhyun stays hidden. “Hurry, come on! Come on!”

Kris’ face twists in a mix of amusement and confusion, but he steps forward and leans to press play all the same. The sound of jazzy Christmas pop fills the room. Kris hurries to sit down on the far chair, eyes trained where he anticipates Baekhyun’s appearance.

“Here comes trouble.” Baekhyun spins around the corner, stopping in the doorway.

Swallowing thickly, Kris’s eyes fly wide open. “Oh, my god.”

The sight of Baekhyun all dressed up stirs arousal in the pit of his stomach, making his enormous palms sweat. On top of the liner and gloss, Baekhyun has wrapped himself in a red satin robe, trimmed with white faux fur and tied tight around his waist with a red sash. It’s huge on him, more Kris-sized than Baekhyun-sized, hitting right at Baekhyun’s knees. Kris wishes he’d picked something more suited to his frame. He wants to get a better look at the fishnet stockings criss-crossing up Baekhyun’s legs before taking them off. The black suede buckle pumps he’s wearing can go, too. Well...maybe Baekhyun can keep them both on for what comes next in Kris’ mind-theater.

Present-moment Baekhyun instead continues his strut to the chair facing Kris. His hips sway in time and he plants one foot on the chair. “Ready, big boy?” Before Kris can reply, if he could even begin to corral his thoughts from his dick back to his brain, Baekhyun sings along to the track.

“Santa baby, just slip a dildo under the tree, for me.” Baekhyun shakes his shoulders in time to the music, keeping his eyes on Kris as he dances. His hands slide down his torso, coming to rest on his hips. “Been an awful good boy, Santa baby.” He stops to loosen the bow at his waist into a knot before continuing sliding his hands down his propped-up leg. “So hurry down the chimney tonight.”

He rights himself with a wink, readjusting himself so he’s sitting on the seat and facing Kris with legs spread. Baekhyun crosses his legs, flashing the shadows under his robe for a moment. “Santa baby, a butt plug that can tickle me too.” He un-crosses then crosses his legs in the opposite direction. “Light blue.” Baekhyun uncrosses his legs again, this time leaving his legs wide open. His fingers curl around the bottom hem of the robe and creep upward, revealing more and more thigh. “I’ll wait up for you dear, Santa baby.” He pauses to show the lacy cap at the top of each thigh-high before smoothing the robe back down his thighs. “So hurry down the chimney tonight.”

Kris closes his mouth when Baekhyun stands, pushing himself off the chair hips-out. Wiggling himself around in hip-circles, he stops when his back faces Kris. Baekhyun sways back and forth on the beat, making a show of dragging his hands up his thighs to rest about his navel. “Think of all the fun I’ve missed.” Baekhyun turns his head over his shoulder to look at Kris while his hands fiddle with the tie at his waist. “Think of all the fellas that I...haven’t kissed.” He blows a kiss, shaking his ass in time as he opens the robe. “Next year I could be just as good, if you check off my Christmas list.” Baekhyun reaches behind his back as he sings, closing the the thumb and forefinger of that hand around the sash as he pulls it through the loops with his other hand. He flicks it out before grabbing it and draping it around his own neck.

Kris wants to grab the ends and pull Baekhyun into his lap, make him grind on his dick which is currently harder than a hickory trunk. Instead he just tightens the grip on his knees, large hands not unlike the broad expanse of a polar bear’s dangerous paw and similarly suited to holding on tight to cylindrical objects not dissimilar to Coca-Cola bottles or penises (of the body-grown and silicone varietals).

“Santa baby,” Baekhyun continues, holding his robe closed as he saunters around the chair. “I want a yacht and really, that’s not,” he flashes open one side of the robe, too quick for Kris to see anything besides a swath of pale skin and a blip of red, “a lot.” Baekhyun flashes the other side. Yes, definitely something red strapped around Baekhyun’s waist. His hands keep the robe closed and the surprise hidden from Kris’ sight. “Been an angel all year, Santa baby.” He lowers his chin, fluttering his lashes as he dips down on the beats, knees together. “So hurry down the chimney tonight.”

Baekhyun sashays around the chair, throwing open his coat and letting it drape itself over the chair behind him. Beneath his red robe, Baekhyun tied a red waist corset belt above black satin boxers. Round, silver glitter nipple tassels cover his nips. Kris has only a moment to revel in Baekhyun’s front reveal before Baekhyun falls to his knees. He throws the long ends of the sash over his shoulders, out of the way for his hands when he crawls forward on all fours.

“Santa honey,” Baekhyun sings, just as he reaches Kris’ knees. He puts his hands over Kris’ own. Kris’ seductively large hands dwarf Baekhyun’s already petite pair. “One little thing I really need, the deed….” Pushing Kris’s legs apart, Baekhyun trails his hands boldly up Kris’ thighs. It’s obvious to both of them how turned on Kris is, the Mount Logan cropping up in his pants serving as a glaring indication of his arousal. Baekhyun pulls his hands back, singing, “...To a platinum mine, Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.”

Baekhyun stands, picking his steps around Kris before swinging a leg over Kris’ shoulder with a small “Oof!” Kris moves his arms out of the way just in time, holding Baekhyun’s ankle steady. Baekhyun tickles one side of Kris’ neck before continuing. “Santa cutie,” he runs his hand up and down the fishnet thigh-high, “and fill my stocking with a Rolex. And checks.” The hand on the other side of Kris’ neck draws a cross on his skin. “Sign your ‘X’ on the line, Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.”

With less grace but impeccable style, Baekhyun dismounts from his perch over Kris’ shoulder. He swings his hips with each step he takes until he’s standing in front of Kris. “Come and trim my Christmas tree.” He skims his hands up his torso, flicking the tassels with his fingertips. “With some decorations bought at Tiffany’s.” Baekhyun unwinds the long, red sash around his neck, stepping forward and pulling it off himself from one side. “I really do believe in you.” Careful to not knock the red stocking cap from Kris’ head, Baekhyun loops it around Kris until it’s on either side of his neck. “Let’s see if you,” he tugs on either side, rubbing the back of Kris’ neck with the fabric, “believe in me.”

“Santa baby,” Baekhyun leaves the sash hanging around Kris’ neck, spreading his fingers wide and holding them to his mouth in mock shock. “Forgot to mention one little thing.” His other hand makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger. “A ring.” He lowers his hand until it hovers in front of his own dick. “I don’t mean on the phone,” Baekhyun sings, winking. “Santa baby, please hurry down the chimney tonight.”

He turns on his heel, strutting back toward the previous chair. Baekhyun pulls the robe off the chair so it spreads on the floor between him and Kris. “Hurry down my chimney tonight.” On his knees, Baekhyun rolls over until he’s lying belly-up on the robe, legs crossed in the air and supported by the chair. “Hurry,” he spreads his arms out, arching his back off the ground to look up at Kris, “tonight.”

The music fades out. Kris watches Baekhyun, who remains laying on the ground and panting. The song restarts, and Baekhyun frowns. “Well? Ravish me already.” He sits up and turns to pout at Kris. “Smother me like pancakes, maple boy.”

“What?”

With a scoff, Baekhyun gets to his feet and turns off the music. “Do I have to do everything myself?” He bends over to pick up the robe from the ground. “Got the tree but can’t get the syrup.”

Kris stands swiftly and with purpose. He closes the gap between them, pulling Baekhyun into a brusque embrace. “What ever are you talking about?”

“What’s gotten into you?” says Baekhyun.

“Uhh..you’re like..haha really hot hahaha,” Kris says, whispering this sweet nothing in Baekhyun’s ear and nipping it.

Baekhyun giggles. “So is that all you have to say about my surprise for you?” Kris tightens his grip, fingers pressing against the corset belt. “Oh, I guess not.” Baekhyun turns in Kris’ grasp, stretching up to steal a kiss.

“So do you have a stage name now?” Kris asks, large yet well-proportioned fingers fiddling with the laces on Baekhyun’s back. “Puppy Rabbit or something.”

“Cum guzzler.”

Kris freezes. “Uh, what?”

“I am Cum Guzzler Baekhyun, Guzzler of the Cum. Extraordinaire.” He presses a kiss to Kris’ neck. “Drizzle your man icing all over my hot buns, Duizhang.”

“Oh, my god.” Kris stops toying with the loosened laces. He dips a long finger below the waistband of Baekhyun’s boxers, following his spine down to the beginning of his buttcrack. “These hot buns? Fresh and soft as virgin snow on a crisp winter’s eve?”

Baekhyun’s voice is a demure murmur tickling Kris’ collarbone. “The very same.”

Kris rubs his finger at the top of the crack. “I’m not sure virgin is the right word for you, Bunnie.”

“How about you stop talking and get to sticking your maple log up my chimney, Santa baby? I’ve been a bad elf.”

“My maple log?” Baekhyun’s hand finds Kris’ erection and gives him a good squeeze. “Ah--oh, ah, okay. Got it.”

Baekhyun laughs, taking a step back and letting go of Kris. “You’re so dense.”

“Don’t you mean...thick? Haha.”

“What?”

“Heuhhohoehahaheuehugh.” Kris steps forward,  laughing awkwardly and kissing at the same time. Baekhyun caves almost immediately, wrapping his arms around Kris’ neck and clinging with desperation. A surge of clear-headed arousal overtakes Kris and he gathers Baekhyun in his arms. Baekhyun hooks his legs around Kris’ waist as Kris walks them to the table, sweeping their chairs off the tabletop. They fall to the ground with a thunderous clatter.

“Be careful, they’re practically antiques.”

Kris settles Baekhyun on the tabletop like a gentle lover. “Whatever.” He follows up his witty comeback with more kissing, very tongue heavy. He wields the slick muscle like, say, a windshield wiper struggling to clear the view during a particularly brutal Canadian rainstorm.

“Fuck me hard you big dragon dude,” says Baekhyun, sending even more arousal spiraling into Kris’ groin. “Load me up with your hot sausage.”

In between kisses, Kris manages to whisper, “I’ll stuff you so full, you’ll be my little Baek McMuffin.”

“God, I love it when you talk dirty.” Baekhyun unwinds his arms from around Kris’ neck to start unbuttoning his shirt with ardor. “I’m gonna lick every centimeter of your dick, from the tip to the Timbits.”

“Yeah, yeah,” says Kris, pulling his shirt off his body and throwing it across the room. He misses his target, the rebel shirt instead floating peacefully to the floor a few steps away. “Oh yeah, that gets me so hot and horny, hnngh.” Baekhyun hooks his fingers in the waistband of Kris’ pants, pulling him close. He makes quick work of his belt and the single button and zipper fly. Baekhyun grabs the pants and the boxers, pulling down before Kris can ensure there’s plenty room for his massive hard-on to pass unharmed. But as it is so massive and Baekhyun is so overcome with fervent lust, awkwardness appears like a destined lover. “Ow, my dick.”

“Sorry, not sorry,” says Baekhyun. Kris shrugs and wanders across the kitchen to find a hefty squirt-bottle of lube in the spice cabinet. “Glad we keep that around, just in case.”

“Same.” Kris returns to the kitchen table, setting the lube beside Baekhyun. With his now-free hands, Kris picks up Baekhyun by the waist and Baekhyun winds his arms around Kris’ neck. Somehow they manage to weasel off Baekhyun’s satin boxers, but only off one leg. The black satin hangs from Baekhyun’s ankle as he lays on his back and repositions his legs over Kris’ shoulders.

With a few good pumps of the lube, Kris moistens his fingers to tickle Baekhyun’s taint. It’s always a thrill touching Baekhyun, so intimately like this. Emotion whips through Kris like a cruel wind on a winter day, arousal cutting straight to his bones. Especially one in particular, the non-skeletal tissue of his boner. Baekhyun whimpers sensuously against Kris’ chest when Kris presses and probes and eases the little hole with his fingers.

Pumping out more lube after an impressive exercise in patience, he takes the plunge. Kris inserts a finger into Baekhyun, pausing at each knuckle to enjoy every shudder and every moan. He presses in another finger, stretching Baekhyun wider in preparation for his quivering maple log, but Baekhyun stops him. “Let me suck you off so I can taste your hot man syrup.”

“I can’t say no to you. But only for a little while.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “We’ll see,” he says, turning over so he can suck dick by lying on his belly on the table. With pure and bold intent, Baekhyun grabs the base of Kris’ thick cock and swallows it down with a loud gag. Kris almost collapses, knees weak as he has an out-of-body experience due to Baekhyun’s heavenly mouth-vortex of love.

After a few minutes of intense head-and-shaft work, Baekhyun grabs Kris by the hips. He pulls Kris to him until, somehow, his entire length is in Baekhyun. Further, the tip of Baekhyun’s tongue slithers out beneath Kris’ shaft to lick and tease Kris’ balls. It is an amazing display of Baekhyun’s blowjob prowess! “Ughh oh god, ahh god um oh god, ahh ohhh uhh hnng,” says Kris. “This is an amazing display of your blowjob prowess!”

“Haugh nmgangn huhgh ngnoggg,” says Baekhyun appreciatively, drawing the penis out from his mouth. “I said I wanted to lick your Timbits. Foolish Duizhang.”

Kris chortles. “Foolish indeed.” He sinks down in a squat, then crushes their mouths together in a passionate kiss. They shift around somehow until Baekhyun is on his back again. Once Kris finishes prepping them both, Baekhyun lays ready with his own hard cock in hand.

Kris holds Baekhyun’s fishnet-clad legs propped over his shoulder. He takes great pleasure in smoothing his hands from pumps down thigh-highs and skin. He reaches Baekhyun’s hips, giving them a fond caress. “Ready?”

With a disdainful roll of heavy-lidded, lined eyes, Baekhyun retorts, “Do I have to do everything my--ahh!” His sarcastic comment gets cut off by a quick thrust of dick. “God, fucking finally. Jesus.”

The two of them engage in intercourse, very sweaty and slippery and full of Christmas cheer. Baekhyun holds his dick with both hands, pumping in time with Kris’ thrusts. Somehow in all the sexy commotion, the corset belt got turned around, loose laces splayed open on Baekhyun’s belly. Kris’ yaoi hands skim over Baekhyun’s body, as solemn and trembling as the perfect rendition of O Holy Night. He passes by the nipple tassels as his hips piston into Baekhyun’s hot, slick ass. Kris gives one a flick, wishing he’d had the foresight to take them off so he could tease Bunnie’s nipples directly on the thing. Instead, he makes do with what he’s got, pinching and teasing the skin around them.

A particularly loud moan makes Kris super hard, and he knows he isn’t going to last very much longer. It’s a miracle he’s lasted this long, a real Christmas miracle. The angels will sing for Baby Jesus _and_ Wu “Kevin Li” “Kris” “Duizhang Daddy” Yifan tonight.

Remembering their sex from the other day, and how into it Baekhyun was, Kris makes a move. He races one hand up Baekhyun’s chest, fingers tickling along his throat and over his chin. Two fingers press into Baekhyun’s mouth, hooking against the corners.

Baekhyun responds instantaneously, sucking the digits into his orifice with a guttural utterance. “Delightful,” murmurs Kris, wiggling his fingers around as Baekhyun licks them with gusto. He fucks Baek’s ass harder, almost on the edge of coming. “I’m gonna come soon.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m about to bust this maple nut in your sugary ass,” says Kris. “But first? You, my Bunnie.” Kris then closes his other hand around Baekhyun’s dick. Baekhyun lets him take over, letting his arms fall wide open. Kris works his dick with furious detail, intent on making Baekhyun come all over the two of them. His labor bears great fruit: Baekhyun comes with a scream. His orgasm hits him so hard, come shoots out the tip of his dick. It splatters on Kris’ chest, dripping down his chest like melting icicles during a Canadian spring.

Kris hardly lasts after that spectacular display. He buries his maple log so deep, closes his eyes, and howls at the moon as all the Great Northerners do when they cumbust. Baekhyun assures him that it’s all very arousing, but Kris just feels embarrassed afterward. As you can imagine, puberty was a tough yet tender time.

Once they finish, floating on a shared endorphin rush, Kris moves to join Baekhyun on the tabletop. He looks forward to a nice, old-fashioned cuddle session after a good coupling. “Wait let’s move somewhere else.”

“Why?”

Baekhyun eases himself off the table. Kris catches him, making sure his beau doesn’t hurt himself. “You might’ve broken the chairs, I’m not letting you break the table.” Kris laughs, picking up his Bunnie bridal-style. “Take me to the bedroom and fuck me at least twice more before you pass out for the night.”

“As soon as my maple log becomes sturdy again.”

Baekhyun laughs. “So be it. Let’s cuddle, love-bug!” And with that, Kris whisks them to their bedroom for a night of licentious revelry.


End file.
